supposedly, we dream every night. we just don’t always remember them.

last night, i was in europe. dream europe, anyway. i kept thinking, how am i here? i don’t remember taking a plane, i don’t remember planning this trip. then i realized i was there by myself, with no luggage or supplies. i even felt around for my wallet and couldn’t find it. all i had was my phone. i kept using it to find my gps location and try to map out where i should go next. i wasn’t scared or freaked out, but i was stressed. and i was worried about my battery life. at one point, it said i was in india. i shook my phone to refresh it, and it said i was in portugal.

eventually i thought “there’s no way this is real. i never bought a ticket to portugal. i’m not really here. this is a dream.” but nothing changed. the people didn’t do what i wanted, the scenery didn’t transform to my liking. it all stayed the same. i shouted, “this is *my* dream, right? you all have to do what i want!” but nothing happened. i didn’t even wake up. i wandered around, frustrated and confused for about an hour of dream time. friendless and alone. until my real life alarm tore it all down.

i’m pretty skeptical when it comes to reading into dreams. just because someone had a dream that they’re running away from a boogeyman it doesn’t mean that they had a bad childhood, or whatever. but i couldn’t shake this one. i felt like it wasn’t shrouded in mystery or wrapped in riddles; it was, instead, a fairly straightforward analyzation of where i am in my life right now. lucid without any control. unable to change the people or scenery despite the fact that this is *my* life. which is far more nightmarish than a guy with an ax, or falling off a skyscraper, or any other torture our perverse brains can force us to see in our dreams. something so blunt and didactic, so completely applicable to my situation, couldn’t have been a mistake, right? this is my body, or deity, or the universe, or what have you, making a point. the only thing it didn’t tell me, was where to go from here.

this seems to be the mistake i’m doomed to repeat.